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Twitter Shuts Down Entire Network to Slow Spread of Negative Biden News


SAN FRANCISCO, CA—In a final-ditch effort to dwell unfavorable tales about Joe Biden and his family from spreading, Twitter shut down its total social network Thursday.

After seeing memoir after memoir tweet out one in particular corrupt story, CEO Jack Dorsey realized he had to pick out out action. Dorsey smashed a glass box in his office reading “Destroy In Case Of Notorious Publicity For Democrats.” At some level of the case was a sledgehammer for smashing Twitter’s servers.

“Red alert — shut the servers down! Shut them all down!”

Dorsey ran downstairs and commenced smashing as many computer systems as he would perchance maybe also, but he did must build a question to for some support, because the hammer was pretty heavy. None of the programmers would perchance maybe also pick the hammer, both. In the kill, they managed to program a robot to pick out out up the sledgehammer and shatter the servers.

After listening to the Twitter staff focus on serious theory, the robot got woke and commenced attacking the full cis white males.

Babylon Bee subscriber Jackson Baker contributed to this file. If you happen to’d like to rep alive to with the workers writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership alternatives here!

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